Caution: Shy Writer Ahead

This weekend I attended the 4th Annual Lori Foster Reader-Writer Get Together in West Chester, Oh. Over 250 people attended the festivities on Friday and Saturday. Many local authors attended as did Lori Foster, Dianne Castell, and Sarah McCarty. Also benefitting from event were the AAF Animal Shelter (over $1000.00), the troops (over $500.00 and donations) and the Center for Conductive Learning ( over $4500.00).

Friday night was a pizza party with speakers, Linda Keller of Barnes & Noble, Sue Grimshaw of Borders Group, Sheila Clover of Circle of Seven Productions and Michelle Buonfiglio of Lifetime TV‛s Romancing the Book Blog. Many people had appointments with agents and editors from Berkley, Samhain Publishing, The Wild Rose Press, Red Rose Press, Liquid Silver Publishing, and Changeling Press.

Many people had a wonderful time, visiting with friends, meeting favorite writers, and winning raffles.

Through no fault of Lori Foster or Dianne Castell I only had a good time. I am extremely shy and my nervousness gets the best of me in similar situations and this time was no exception. In fact my mind had probably made it a hell of a lot worse because of an inability to trust people. So great were these that I almost didn‛t go. Why Billie, you say, it is a bunch of friendly people, why were you worried?

Some concern was to be expected given what has happened to me this year.
A woman who I thought was my best friend betrayed me big time. This alleged friend, AF, was to be in anthology with me and two others. In the past year she‛d changed but I chalked it to the pressures of college, new grandchildren, children fighting with spouses, her husband, and her lover in WV. I didn‛t know I was her next target. AF went behind back to the publisher and spoke ill of me and tried to get me kicked out of the book, all the while dissing me others. She stopped critiquing with me and took forever to read things while I worked on her stuff and read her school papers. I should have seen the hand-writing on the wall but I didn‛t.

In the fall AF and I had a contest with some other writers including one of her recycled friends. The friend, SMJ, wasn‛t satisfied with my efforts and I didn‛t post the contest on my website soon enough to suit her. SMJ harassed me over it. I got it done and she gave me her ‟approval‟ as if I needed it. I went to our mutual friend, AF, and she didn‛t want to be involved, even though SMJ was calling me a raving lunatic and diagnosed me as mental based on what AF said. Mind you at Nationals last year I kept SMJ‛s promo on the table and at the end of the conference I hauled her junk up to our room so AF could take it to SMJ. No good deed goes unpunished.

The relationship with AF took a real hit when she publicly embarrassed the publisher for the last time, after months of steadily undermining the publisher. Her contract was canceled and she was released with the rights to her story, which was very generous of the publisher. AF first said she didn‛t want me to cancel my contract, which I wouldn‛t do anyway, then on birthday she launched the final salvo. She couldn‛t forgive me for siding with the publisher and cringed whenever she saw email address on a post or my phone number when I called her. It was too much for me and I suffered a heart attack because I had counted her to be a sister.

She was not finished and in late April or May she posted false information to her blog in an attempt to compromise the publisher and created a minor firestorm using stolen and altered emails. As a result of this I, as part of a larger group, was branded a moron, a fraud, and a conspirator. People‛s careers were affected, relationships decimated, and I could not even defend myself because to do so would subject me to more attacks that I could not physically cope with. As part of this firestorm several writers were vocal condemning things that didn‛t happen or were distorted.

One of the most vocal writers, BMW, in this firestorm attended the Lori Foster event and I prayed not to run into her. Well the writing Gods did not look favorably upon me and I chose a empty seat at a table. Only later did I learn BMW was sitting next to me. I was polite and chatted with her despite my angst. I‛m not certain she ever realized I knew what she had done but I was proud of myself.

I‛m a very non-confrontational person now. No one knew the angst I felt at Saturday‛s event. I considered leaving a number of times due to the stress but Sarah McCarty was an angel. I was eating breakfast alone when she ‟instant friended‟ me. I was so grateful for her joining me.

I must have looked really sad because Rhianna Samuels gave me a bag of books she won in a raffle. I found several books on my to-buy-list. I won a huge basket from Red Rose Publishing in a raffle. The group picture was fun.

I must really give thanks to members of the Central Ohio Fiction Writers. I‛m a member but have only made a few meetings. They made me feel included.

I realized that was the feeling I wanted but I‛m way to shy for my own good. Friday and Saturday I kept telling myself this was the last time I‛d put myself in this situation. I kept telling myself I was not worthy to be called a writer and while I watched Lori easily handle any situation that came along. Dianne, newly widowed, was kind and gracious. Sarah, Rhianna and members of COFW eased my fears and my tension and I thank all of them.